L A R A    L I M E R I C K S

(Odes about Lara, sent in by various folk)

There was a young lady named Lara
who was stuck in the middle of the Sahara.
She spotted a pool,
and jumped in to cool,
but was gobbled up by Piranha!

~ ~ ~

Lara Croft has long brown hair,
which in a pony tail she does wear.
Around her body is a skimpy vest,
in which her cleavage looks its best.

Covering her bottom are some shorts,
which she wears at many resorts,
while covering her over used feet,
is footwear that looks quite neat.
For at each leg end is a sturdy boot,
though in her backpack she puts the loot.

~ ~ ~

Lara has fallen in pits full of spikes.
Been chased by mummy's, Oh Yikes!
She's been drowned and then burned.
But if there's one thing we've learned.
She's a phoenix who's always returned!

~ ~ ~

After Lara had left her mothers womb,
Lara did later enter a tomb.
An since that time her games became hits,
though some say is due to her tits.

~ ~ ~

In this place of monsters,
and secrets so black,
think not to meet here,
but run, all the way back.

~ ~ ~

Lara went to bed one night,
admiring her beautiful knife,
when all of a sudden a crash, a boom,
general commotion and strife.
"It must be Bartoli's men", she cried,
"It's time to shoot and run!
Just when I thought the game was over,
I see my work is still not done!"

~ ~ ~

Lara Lara you're so fine,
I wish so much you were mine,
but it seems I'm out of luck,
as you're not real - oh fuck!

~ ~ ~

There is this lady named Lara Croft,

An I would not say she is very soft.

For she does carry two big guns,

Either side of her juicy buns.

Lara has a ponytail that is considerably long,

Plus a body that seems rather strong.

Her eyes are that of the deepest brown,

That if you did stare into you might surely drown.

Although blessed with an accent of some class,

You’ll mostly notice her cute arse.

But I do not say this to be unkind,

for most of the game you see her from behind.

~ ~ ~

There once was a young girl called Lara
Who was an adventurer just like her Father
One day on a raid, she tripped on her braid
And fried in a big pit of larva.

~ ~ ~

Lara Croft was loved by all,
Lara Croft had a great fall,
Poor dear Lara the ground did meet,
Land she did, not on her feet,
Got up she did, I'm glad to say,
Thanks to a game-save from the other day.

~ ~ ~

Croft, a name that means so much to us all,
a name that we hope will never fall,
for her legacy lives on forever,
in the back of the minds of those who never,
choose to stop their endeavor,
in tomb raiding she will live on forever.

~ ~ ~

There was a young raider named Lara
Who has even trekked the Sahara
She's been to hundreds of places
An pumped lead into animals faces
and...oh..bugger! Can't think what else rhymes with Sahara! Any suggestions?!

~ ~ ~

F~I~N

[I’ll add some more verses after my doctor removes my straight jacket]