JOKES
Q & A jokes first...
1.
Question: What are the 2 things that stand-out most about Lara Croft?
Answer: The right one and the left one.
[the above joke was banned at the LCO forum, by a NeoNazi I presume]
2.
Q: What are Lara Crofts most outstanding
attributes?
A: Her automatic pistols, of course!
3.
Q: What did Lara call her abortionist?
A: Womb Raider.
4.
Q: Who has dared enter Lara's own tomb?
A: Her gynecologist.
5.
Q: Why did Lara cross the river?
A: To get to the other side.
~~~~~~~
While in Africa, Lara once saw a herd of Elephants
running towards her, but how
did she deal with the problem?
She nipped in to the nearest Telephone box, made a trunk call, and reversed the
charges....
~~~~~~~
Lara and Kurtis are exploring on a tropical
island when the are swamped by a tribe of cannibals. The chief says that they
will let not eat them if they go into the woods and collect 100 nuts in 10 minutes.
12 minutes later Lara returns with 100 peanuts. Being a nice chief cannibal,
he gives her one more chance- she can go if she stuffs the peanuts up her butt
without laughing.
Just as they shove the 96th nut up, Lara bursts out laughing. "Well
that was stupid, you only had a few to go. We'll have to eat you now" says
the chief. "why didn't you hold it in?"
"I just saw Kurtis coming out with 100 coconuts" replies Lara.
~~~~~~~
Why did Lara go blind in one eye?
Coz someone escaped with the Iris!!!!!!
~~~~~~~
Newsflash: Lara is embarking on a new adventure --- motherhood. She gave birth to triplets, named them Tom, Tim, and Tat. Mother and babies are doing fine but come feeding time, Lara doesn't have a tit for tat.
~~~~~~~
Lara and Von Croy were lost in the desert
for the past few weeks with no food. They was feeling very hungry. They
staggered over the ridge of a sand dune and saw a dead and rotting camel
carcass. Von Croy falls upon the stinking camel flesh and starts eating the
maggot infested meat.
After a short time he looks up at Lara and said “My Dear, aren’t going have
some?”, Lara response “Yuck, no thanks!”. About ten minutes later
Von Croy starts groaning and complaining of stomach pains, then he spews up in
full techno color . Lara says “I knew if I waited long enough, I’ll get warm
meal”.
~~~~~~~
Have you heard of the TR glitch? Seems Larson and Pierre got lost in TR3. Pierre told Larson not to wait for his command and just fire at 'will' if he sees Lara. They did see her in the FMV boat scene, so Larson killed Doctor 'Will'ard.
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
Here are some pickup lines tried on Lara:10. "Want me to raid your tomb?"
9. "Whoa! Those pants make even yer butt look buff!"
8. "I've got an idea for a dig I think you'll be interested in..."
7. "Wanna see who's got the longer Dagger of Xian?..."
6. "There's a Himalayan idol somewhere in my pants."
5. "So it's all about survival with you, huh? Wanna help the species survive?"
4. "Are yer legs tired? Cause you been runnin' through China, Venice, a buncha gun-totin' side-steppin' goons, an' my mind all night."
3. "Is it true what they say about British duchesses?"
2. "Nice guns, but ya really should accept no substitutes."
1. Lean close, put your lips to her shell-like ear, an' whisper the "Nude Raider" cheat codes.
~~~~~~~
Did you know Lara was nearly killed by 3 Russian assassins who just managed to fail. Their names were - Couldov, Wouldov, an Shouldov.
~~~~~~~
Ten Laughable Laws of Computing -
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you
meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's
probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where
you'd least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more
human, its downright natural.
7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.
8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a
simpler system that worked just fine.
10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what
you want it to do.
~~~~~~~
In the scene below, Lara was in such a rush to go tomb raiding, that she forgot to put on her shorts before leaving home...
~ END ~
PS: If you know of some other jokes, email me them - and no, I'm not joking!